Friendship Eclipsed...

I had a birthday recently. I’ve never been the type to make a big deal out of it. A simple card or a happy birthday wish is all that’s needed. The handmade birthday cards from my kids are priceless and definitely go into the box of pictures and mementos patiently waiting to be placed in scrapbooks. Although I treasure those items which I have carefully packed away, putting my scrapbooks together is a mainstay on my to do list. I just never seem to have time, or rather more realistically I have never made it a priority. I guess since I know those items will always be there there’s no rush to attend to them.

 I have a friend in another state and I’ve known her since high school. She is very busy with school and work. She is married but has no children.  I have no doubt her life is full. She has demanding classes and a job to keep up with. I understand busy.  I have a husband who has no concept off time off, three children, and my own work.  Nevertheless, I manage to call her, even if it’s for a few minutes.

It is now going on three months and I have not heard from her. I called and left a message a few months ago with no return call. My birthday came and went with no call. I have never missed acknowledging her birthday. I know it should not be tit for tat but come on.

This has happened many times before. When I finally hear from her she says I’ve been meaning to call you but…  Then inevitably I hear the I’m-going-to-call-you-again-later-in- the-week pledge. This rarely happens.

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity."

~ Kahlil Gibran

 I have grown weary of feeling like I hold up my end of the friendship. She obviously is very fulfilled in her life and has no need for me.

I guess in my quest to feel extraordinary about something I would like to feel that I have an extraordinary friendship. I thought she was a person I could count on for that. 

I realized that just like my mementos from the past, I’m her stuff from long ago. There are good memories of past times and she probably thinks the friendship will be there whenever she gets around to pulling it off the shelf. But just like construction paper pictures lovingly drawn by a child, it can fade with time.

I'm Glad You're Here!!!

An eclipse obscures light from the moon or sun. There is also another definition of eclipse: to make less outstanding or important.

When I told my husband the name of my new blog, Ordinary Eclipsed, he crinkled his nose and looked at me with a blank stare. "What’s that supposed to mean?” he said. I immediately doubted the name that only a few hours earlier I thought was a brilliant, thought provoking moniker. Then I doubted the whole project. Who really cares what I think? But millions of people are doing it. Why shouldn't I try it?

I explained to my bewildered mate that while I love being a wife and mother, I can’t ignore my dreams. Yes, I know my kids would say their mom is extraordinary. Who better to kiss the booboo than your mom? And no one can mend a hole in your pants or make chocolate chip cookies on a snowy day better than mom. While I’m telling my daughters they can do anything if they work hard for it, shouldn’t I be doing the same?

After I’ve kissed them goodnight and listened to my husband review his day, rant about politics, or discuss the latest sports news, I’m left to wonder. I used to know exactly what I wanted out of life. I’ve got part of that. Great husband, check. Great kids, check. But there is something else, that only I can do, that has no check mark.

So I explained to my bewildered mate that I want to do something extraordinary. I don’t mean extraordinary in terms of being revered for my looks or personality. I want to do something extraordinary. Something I can sit back and say that was good and I did it. I’m still waiting for that to happen. I have many ideas but they are usually eclipsed by things more important (you know driving my daughter to dance class or doing laundry).

I can’t get to extraordinary because it’s blocked, hence eclipsed, by the ordinary.  Stuff keeps getting in the way (and I’ll be the first to admit it is mainly me). 

But this blog is not to lament my ordinariness but to celebrate a journey. I’m not sure I know where I’m going, but my bags are packed and I’m in the car. Perhaps there are others waiting in the garage too; waiting to figure out which way to go. I hope to see you on the highway. I’ll be the one driving with a husband riding shotgun and three kids arguing in the back seat. But for now I’m stuck in the land where Ordinary is Eclipsed and maybe that's okay too. For now.