Shopping...Eclipsed

I used to think that my grandmother was a bit eccentric, buying twenty cans of coffee or fifteen pounds of bacon when it was on sale. Since I never lived during the great depression I guess I wouldn’t understand. In addition to the depression my grandmother was widowed at a young age with five children. Bargin shopping and stockpiling was a necessity.  Recently, I’ve come to understand her a bit better.

Grocery shopping is a necessary task that most people have to do. I wish I could breeze through the aisles grab what I need and be in and out in twenty minutes flat. But at the risk of sounding paranoid, I’ve come to believe that the store signs advertising the price of items are poking fun at us shoppers. I guess I shouldn’t take the signs so personally, but when I am forced to shell out more of my money it is all personal.

Anyone who regularly goes to the grocery store knows that prices have shot up recently.  I don’t like it but to some degree I understand it. What I don’t understand is the store pretending that we don’t know that the price has increased. I see signs like “wow”, “low price”, or “sale” and think that whoever is behind those signs must think we are stupid. Are we supposed to be happy that just last week the price of a green pepper was $ .30 cheaper? Do they really think that shoppers don’t notice the increase in price? Perhaps those signs read wow because they could be charging us even more.  Maybe I should be happy because next week there will be a new higher price and I should be thankful for the “low” price I am getting now.

I have started paying close attention to the things I buy frequently.  As I watched in horror as prices climbed week to week I felt offended and mocked at the store signs telling me this price is really good. After years of being the primary grocery shopper I think I know what price is good and lately very little of what they are peddling fit that category. But maybe those store signs are preparing us for a new reality.

After some thought I have decided that those store signs are teaching me to understand my grandmother’s mentality. I’ve learned to adopt my grandmother’s ways: buy some for today and lot for tomorrow. Now rather than dread those signs I have slowly come to embrace them as little lessons from my grandmother and a generation who really knew what to do with those four tiny words meant, SALE.   

Decisions...Eclipsed

Millions of moms do it, but at what price? The cost of mom working a full time job is enormous. I’m not referring to day care expenses, clothes, or cost of gas. I’m talking about the intangible things that can affect the fabric of the family.

 I recently left my full time job for many reasons. The job was not as it was advertised or described to be. The company had a warped culture with new employees taken through college fraternity like initiations much of which had nothing to do with the job itself but rather for those in power to determine which newbie they liked. I spent roughly three hours on the road, to and from work, more in bad weather. But my absolute breaking point was when my boss told me to leave my child stranded at school because it was inconvenient for me to leave at 4 P.M. when I arrived at 6:30 A.M., had forfeited lunch, and completed all work for the day. Keep in mind they advertised this job as one of flexibility and working mother friendly. As a mother, that was unacceptable and my own personal deal breaker.

As a card carrying member of the worry about everything club I worry that I am doing more harm to my family than good. Of course economics may cancel out the luxury of that worry. But nevertheless I worry.

Recently I accepted a new position with a much closer commute, the promise of flexible hours, the option to work at home when necessary, and a position more in line with my interests. I was thrilled but nevertheless the list of things to worry about has not evaporated. It looks something like this:

1. Will the kids have trouble waking up earlier?
2. Will the earlier wake up time affect their school performance?
3. Will my husband, who most of the time works from home, be able to manage any emergency wardrobe changes?
4. Will I be able to get to them in time if they are sick?
5. Will I be able to get to them quickly if there is a major emergency?
6. Will I be able to get dinner ready before bedtime?
7. Will my new status, which will prevent me from volunteering at the school, make me a horrible, uninvolved parent?
8. What if there is a major traffic jam and my husband and I are stuck, who will be there to get them off the bus?
9. Will my boss, although promising flexibility, truly be empathetic to occasional time off for sick children, trips to the doctor’s office, and school activities?
10. Will my girls see their mom as good mom doing what she has to do for her family or an absent mother who has to run off to work?

I could go on and on but I think the underlying theme there is guilt and fear. Will the decision I made have an undesirable ripple effect? When I reason with myself I wholeheartedly believe that the stress I feel is probably one sided. Who really cares if dinner is a little late and consists of chicken nuggets, canned green beans, and chocolate milk, besides me?

The race to get to work in order to get home at a reasonable time feels like an all day marathon. There is no time for office chit chat when there are deadlines to meet, even if they are my self-imposed deadlines. I want to perform my job well. Considering I took time off when the girls were babies, I am already on the mom track, which means I’m behind the curve in both salary and on the career ladder. I have much to prove, both on and off the clock. Millions of moms across the world do it, so shouldn’t I be able to as well?

I’ve come to hate career decisions as they usually come with all sorts of consequences. It’s the typical if this then that scenario. If I take this job then I can’t do something else. Because a good mom has the utmost desire to do what’s best for her children, the something else always falls to what you as a woman will no longer be able to do. Those much needed work outs will suffer, the book you’re writing will stall, and weekends will be reserved for laundry and house cleaning. But I work to ensure the future of my children and I learned a long time ago super mom is only a mythical creature. So shouldn’t I simply shut up and in the words of the Nike Corporation “just do it”?

Yeah, I could, but I can’t allow my worriers card to be revoked. It’s the one thing I do I don't fret about my performance. I'm at the top of that game.

Decisions. I hope I made the right one?

Super Bowl...Eclipsed

I, along with millions of others, watched the Super Bowl last weekend. It’s an American tradition that is of mild interest to me but I take one for the team, prepare nachos and meatballs, and settle in for the roughly four hour sports odyssey. One of the most anticipated aspects of the game are the Super Bowl ads. Okay, I game for that too. I actually looked forward to being entertained.

My family gathered around the television at 6:00 P.M. To the horror of my husband and me we watched commercial after commercial with sexual innuendos, violence, and perceived nudity. I looked at my watch. Its dinner time and my elementary aged daughters are sitting here watching a man tell us he wants to sleep with his date, two women who appeared to be nude, another man being repeatedly kicked where no man wants to be kicked, and a woman throwing soft drink cans at people. After several commercials and uncomfortable glances between my husband and me, I suggested that the girls go watch a movie or show more age appropriate.

I am not a prude but I was appalled at the type of commercials shown during this time. Yes, some of them were somewhat humorous but for adults not the millions of kids who want to be included in this sports tradition. I recall the outrage several years ago with the Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake half time Super Bowl performance.  The phrase “wardrobe malfunction” was coined based upon this performance. It may have been an accident but there were sanctions and as a result the half time shows appear to be tamer and less risqué.

What about the commercials? I am not interested in having a talk about sex with my seven year old while watching a football game. It is one thing to show these types of commercials after 10 P.M. but quite another to broadcast them during a primetime family event.

Please give us parents a break. We just want to watch a football game.

Internet...Eclipsed

I am interrupting this blog for an important editorial comment.

I watched news reports on the country of Egypt and its descent into chaos.  I watched as thousands of protesters took to the streets to chant, yell, and burn portions of their city in opposition to years of poverty and social injustices at the hands of their government.

The Internet played a vital role in their uprising. The Internet allowed the Egyptian people to be connected to others across the planet thus exposing them to how others lived.  The Internet also allowed for the Egyptian people to communicate with others within their own community. Through social networking they were able to coordinate the firsts of the protests.

In response to the unprecedented show of dissatisfaction the Egyptian government shut down all cell phone and Internet service, throwing its enraged citizens into an information blackout.

How horrible that a government has that much control that it can simply deny its citizens information and the ability to communicate. It made me thankful to live in America. That could never happen here.

Or so I thought.

The Cyber Security Act, a bill introduced in the Senate, would create a cyber security office in the White House run by a cyber czar. This office would have the authority to request security data from private entities without having to justify cause. This bill would put into place an infrastructure that could enact drastic controls of Internet content. The language in the bill indicates that judicial review is prohibited, basicallly setting the stage for no dessent. If passed, this bill would give the president the key to essentially turn off the Internet.

The bill designed to allow the president to shut down the Internet only in cases where a cyber emergency or the threat thereof has been declared. I am not so dense in that the president or some high ranking official probably can’t already enact such a drastic measure, however, to see it outlined on paper is unreal, especially against the backdrop of the what happening in Egypt. 

I watched as President Obama urged the Egyptian president Mubarak to allow the protestors the freedom to communicate by turning the power back on for cell phone and Internet usage. As I studied this bill I worried that his words were contradictory. Granting the government such power is the proverbial slippery slope. While our government may have the best of intentions, the urge may one day be too great to simply shut down the Internet in cases of public descent. We are wading into dangerous territory and our freedom of speech and privacy are at the very precipice.  I recalled the words of President Obama in an address to Chinese students in November 2009 where he said, “I should be honest, as president of the United States, there are times where I wish information didn’t flow so freely because then I wouldn’t have to listen to people criticizing me all the time.”

 Get your boots ready. Enter the slippery slope.

In an era of e-commerce, instant information, and blogging shutting down such an entity is unthinkable. While cyber security is a legitimate and serious issue and one that should be of concern not only to the U.S. government but individual companies and entities, the policing of the Internet should not be handed unilaterally over to government control.

 It saddened me to think that we have more in common with those protesters in Egypt or oppressed students in China than one may think.   

Friendship Eclipsed...

I had a birthday recently. I’ve never been the type to make a big deal out of it. A simple card or a happy birthday wish is all that’s needed. The handmade birthday cards from my kids are priceless and definitely go into the box of pictures and mementos patiently waiting to be placed in scrapbooks. Although I treasure those items which I have carefully packed away, putting my scrapbooks together is a mainstay on my to do list. I just never seem to have time, or rather more realistically I have never made it a priority. I guess since I know those items will always be there there’s no rush to attend to them.

 I have a friend in another state and I’ve known her since high school. She is very busy with school and work. She is married but has no children.  I have no doubt her life is full. She has demanding classes and a job to keep up with. I understand busy.  I have a husband who has no concept off time off, three children, and my own work.  Nevertheless, I manage to call her, even if it’s for a few minutes.

It is now going on three months and I have not heard from her. I called and left a message a few months ago with no return call. My birthday came and went with no call. I have never missed acknowledging her birthday. I know it should not be tit for tat but come on.

This has happened many times before. When I finally hear from her she says I’ve been meaning to call you but…  Then inevitably I hear the I’m-going-to-call-you-again-later-in- the-week pledge. This rarely happens.

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity."

~ Kahlil Gibran

 I have grown weary of feeling like I hold up my end of the friendship. She obviously is very fulfilled in her life and has no need for me.

I guess in my quest to feel extraordinary about something I would like to feel that I have an extraordinary friendship. I thought she was a person I could count on for that. 

I realized that just like my mementos from the past, I’m her stuff from long ago. There are good memories of past times and she probably thinks the friendship will be there whenever she gets around to pulling it off the shelf. But just like construction paper pictures lovingly drawn by a child, it can fade with time.

I'm Glad You're Here!!!

An eclipse obscures light from the moon or sun. There is also another definition of eclipse: to make less outstanding or important.

When I told my husband the name of my new blog, Ordinary Eclipsed, he crinkled his nose and looked at me with a blank stare. "What’s that supposed to mean?” he said. I immediately doubted the name that only a few hours earlier I thought was a brilliant, thought provoking moniker. Then I doubted the whole project. Who really cares what I think? But millions of people are doing it. Why shouldn't I try it?

I explained to my bewildered mate that while I love being a wife and mother, I can’t ignore my dreams. Yes, I know my kids would say their mom is extraordinary. Who better to kiss the booboo than your mom? And no one can mend a hole in your pants or make chocolate chip cookies on a snowy day better than mom. While I’m telling my daughters they can do anything if they work hard for it, shouldn’t I be doing the same?

After I’ve kissed them goodnight and listened to my husband review his day, rant about politics, or discuss the latest sports news, I’m left to wonder. I used to know exactly what I wanted out of life. I’ve got part of that. Great husband, check. Great kids, check. But there is something else, that only I can do, that has no check mark.

So I explained to my bewildered mate that I want to do something extraordinary. I don’t mean extraordinary in terms of being revered for my looks or personality. I want to do something extraordinary. Something I can sit back and say that was good and I did it. I’m still waiting for that to happen. I have many ideas but they are usually eclipsed by things more important (you know driving my daughter to dance class or doing laundry).

I can’t get to extraordinary because it’s blocked, hence eclipsed, by the ordinary.  Stuff keeps getting in the way (and I’ll be the first to admit it is mainly me). 

But this blog is not to lament my ordinariness but to celebrate a journey. I’m not sure I know where I’m going, but my bags are packed and I’m in the car. Perhaps there are others waiting in the garage too; waiting to figure out which way to go. I hope to see you on the highway. I’ll be the one driving with a husband riding shotgun and three kids arguing in the back seat. But for now I’m stuck in the land where Ordinary is Eclipsed and maybe that's okay too. For now.