Decisions...Eclipsed

Millions of moms do it, but at what price? The cost of mom working a full time job is enormous. I’m not referring to day care expenses, clothes, or cost of gas. I’m talking about the intangible things that can affect the fabric of the family.

 I recently left my full time job for many reasons. The job was not as it was advertised or described to be. The company had a warped culture with new employees taken through college fraternity like initiations much of which had nothing to do with the job itself but rather for those in power to determine which newbie they liked. I spent roughly three hours on the road, to and from work, more in bad weather. But my absolute breaking point was when my boss told me to leave my child stranded at school because it was inconvenient for me to leave at 4 P.M. when I arrived at 6:30 A.M., had forfeited lunch, and completed all work for the day. Keep in mind they advertised this job as one of flexibility and working mother friendly. As a mother, that was unacceptable and my own personal deal breaker.

As a card carrying member of the worry about everything club I worry that I am doing more harm to my family than good. Of course economics may cancel out the luxury of that worry. But nevertheless I worry.

Recently I accepted a new position with a much closer commute, the promise of flexible hours, the option to work at home when necessary, and a position more in line with my interests. I was thrilled but nevertheless the list of things to worry about has not evaporated. It looks something like this:

1. Will the kids have trouble waking up earlier?
2. Will the earlier wake up time affect their school performance?
3. Will my husband, who most of the time works from home, be able to manage any emergency wardrobe changes?
4. Will I be able to get to them in time if they are sick?
5. Will I be able to get to them quickly if there is a major emergency?
6. Will I be able to get dinner ready before bedtime?
7. Will my new status, which will prevent me from volunteering at the school, make me a horrible, uninvolved parent?
8. What if there is a major traffic jam and my husband and I are stuck, who will be there to get them off the bus?
9. Will my boss, although promising flexibility, truly be empathetic to occasional time off for sick children, trips to the doctor’s office, and school activities?
10. Will my girls see their mom as good mom doing what she has to do for her family or an absent mother who has to run off to work?

I could go on and on but I think the underlying theme there is guilt and fear. Will the decision I made have an undesirable ripple effect? When I reason with myself I wholeheartedly believe that the stress I feel is probably one sided. Who really cares if dinner is a little late and consists of chicken nuggets, canned green beans, and chocolate milk, besides me?

The race to get to work in order to get home at a reasonable time feels like an all day marathon. There is no time for office chit chat when there are deadlines to meet, even if they are my self-imposed deadlines. I want to perform my job well. Considering I took time off when the girls were babies, I am already on the mom track, which means I’m behind the curve in both salary and on the career ladder. I have much to prove, both on and off the clock. Millions of moms across the world do it, so shouldn’t I be able to as well?

I’ve come to hate career decisions as they usually come with all sorts of consequences. It’s the typical if this then that scenario. If I take this job then I can’t do something else. Because a good mom has the utmost desire to do what’s best for her children, the something else always falls to what you as a woman will no longer be able to do. Those much needed work outs will suffer, the book you’re writing will stall, and weekends will be reserved for laundry and house cleaning. But I work to ensure the future of my children and I learned a long time ago super mom is only a mythical creature. So shouldn’t I simply shut up and in the words of the Nike Corporation “just do it”?

Yeah, I could, but I can’t allow my worriers card to be revoked. It’s the one thing I do I don't fret about my performance. I'm at the top of that game.

Decisions. I hope I made the right one?

Super Bowl...Eclipsed

I, along with millions of others, watched the Super Bowl last weekend. It’s an American tradition that is of mild interest to me but I take one for the team, prepare nachos and meatballs, and settle in for the roughly four hour sports odyssey. One of the most anticipated aspects of the game are the Super Bowl ads. Okay, I game for that too. I actually looked forward to being entertained.

My family gathered around the television at 6:00 P.M. To the horror of my husband and me we watched commercial after commercial with sexual innuendos, violence, and perceived nudity. I looked at my watch. Its dinner time and my elementary aged daughters are sitting here watching a man tell us he wants to sleep with his date, two women who appeared to be nude, another man being repeatedly kicked where no man wants to be kicked, and a woman throwing soft drink cans at people. After several commercials and uncomfortable glances between my husband and me, I suggested that the girls go watch a movie or show more age appropriate.

I am not a prude but I was appalled at the type of commercials shown during this time. Yes, some of them were somewhat humorous but for adults not the millions of kids who want to be included in this sports tradition. I recall the outrage several years ago with the Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake half time Super Bowl performance.  The phrase “wardrobe malfunction” was coined based upon this performance. It may have been an accident but there were sanctions and as a result the half time shows appear to be tamer and less risqué.

What about the commercials? I am not interested in having a talk about sex with my seven year old while watching a football game. It is one thing to show these types of commercials after 10 P.M. but quite another to broadcast them during a primetime family event.

Please give us parents a break. We just want to watch a football game.

Internet...Eclipsed

I am interrupting this blog for an important editorial comment.

I watched news reports on the country of Egypt and its descent into chaos.  I watched as thousands of protesters took to the streets to chant, yell, and burn portions of their city in opposition to years of poverty and social injustices at the hands of their government.

The Internet played a vital role in their uprising. The Internet allowed the Egyptian people to be connected to others across the planet thus exposing them to how others lived.  The Internet also allowed for the Egyptian people to communicate with others within their own community. Through social networking they were able to coordinate the firsts of the protests.

In response to the unprecedented show of dissatisfaction the Egyptian government shut down all cell phone and Internet service, throwing its enraged citizens into an information blackout.

How horrible that a government has that much control that it can simply deny its citizens information and the ability to communicate. It made me thankful to live in America. That could never happen here.

Or so I thought.

The Cyber Security Act, a bill introduced in the Senate, would create a cyber security office in the White House run by a cyber czar. This office would have the authority to request security data from private entities without having to justify cause. This bill would put into place an infrastructure that could enact drastic controls of Internet content. The language in the bill indicates that judicial review is prohibited, basicallly setting the stage for no dessent. If passed, this bill would give the president the key to essentially turn off the Internet.

The bill designed to allow the president to shut down the Internet only in cases where a cyber emergency or the threat thereof has been declared. I am not so dense in that the president or some high ranking official probably can’t already enact such a drastic measure, however, to see it outlined on paper is unreal, especially against the backdrop of the what happening in Egypt. 

I watched as President Obama urged the Egyptian president Mubarak to allow the protestors the freedom to communicate by turning the power back on for cell phone and Internet usage. As I studied this bill I worried that his words were contradictory. Granting the government such power is the proverbial slippery slope. While our government may have the best of intentions, the urge may one day be too great to simply shut down the Internet in cases of public descent. We are wading into dangerous territory and our freedom of speech and privacy are at the very precipice.  I recalled the words of President Obama in an address to Chinese students in November 2009 where he said, “I should be honest, as president of the United States, there are times where I wish information didn’t flow so freely because then I wouldn’t have to listen to people criticizing me all the time.”

 Get your boots ready. Enter the slippery slope.

In an era of e-commerce, instant information, and blogging shutting down such an entity is unthinkable. While cyber security is a legitimate and serious issue and one that should be of concern not only to the U.S. government but individual companies and entities, the policing of the Internet should not be handed unilaterally over to government control.

 It saddened me to think that we have more in common with those protesters in Egypt or oppressed students in China than one may think.