Millions of moms do it, but at what price? The cost of mom working a full time job is enormous. I’m not referring to day care expenses, clothes, or cost of gas. I’m talking about the intangible things that can affect the fabric of the family.
I recently left my full time job for many reasons. The job was not as it was advertised or described to be. The company had a warped culture with new employees taken through college fraternity like initiations much of which had nothing to do with the job itself but rather for those in power to determine which newbie they liked. I spent roughly three hours on the road, to and from work, more in bad weather. But my absolute breaking point was when my boss told me to leave my child stranded at school because it was inconvenient for me to leave at 4 P.M. when I arrived at 6:30 A.M., had forfeited lunch, and completed all work for the day. Keep in mind they advertised this job as one of flexibility and working mother friendly. As a mother, that was unacceptable and my own personal deal breaker.
As a card carrying member of the worry about everything club I worry that I am doing more harm to my family than good. Of course economics may cancel out the luxury of that worry. But nevertheless I worry.
Recently I accepted a new position with a much closer commute, the promise of flexible hours, the option to work at home when necessary, and a position more in line with my interests. I was thrilled but nevertheless the list of things to worry about has not evaporated. It looks something like this:
- Will the kids have trouble waking up earlier?
- Will the earlier wake up time affect their school performance?
- Will my husband, who most of the time works from home, be able to manage any emergency wardrobe changes?
- Will I be able to get to them in time if they are sick?
- Will I be able to get to them quickly if there is a major emergency?
- Will I be able to get dinner ready before bedtime?
- Will my new status, which will prevent me from volunteering at the school, make me a horrible, uninvolved parent?
- What if there is a major traffic jam and my husband and I are stuck, who will be there to get them off the bus?
- Will my boss, although promising flexibility, truly be empathetic to occasional time off for sick children, trips to the doctor’s office, and school activities?
- Will my girls see their mom as good mom doing what she has to do for her family or an absent mother who has to run off to work?
I could go on and on but I think the underlying theme there is guilt and fear. Will the decision I made have an undesirable ripple effect? When I reason with myself I wholeheartedly believe that the stress I feel is probably one sided. Who really cares if dinner is a little late and consists of chicken nuggets, canned green beans, and chocolate milk, besides me?
The race to get to work in order to get home at a reasonable time feels like an all day marathon. There is no time for office chit chat when there are deadlines to meet, even if they are my self-imposed deadlines. I want to perform my job well. Considering I took time off when the girls were babies, I am already on the mom track, which means I’m behind the curve in both salary and on the career ladder. I have much to prove, both on and off the clock. Millions of moms across the world do it, so shouldn’t I be able to as well?
I’ve come to hate career decisions as they usually come with all sorts of consequences. It’s the typical if this then that scenario. If I take this job then I can’t do something else. Because a good mom has the utmost desire to do what’s best for her children, the something else always falls to what you as a woman will no longer be able to do. Those much needed work outs will suffer, the book you’re writing will stall, and weekends will be reserved for laundry and house cleaning. But I work to ensure the future of my children and I learned a long time ago super mom is only a mythical creature. So shouldn’t I simply shut up and in the words of the Nike Corporation “just do it”?
Yeah, I could, but I can’t allow my worriers card to be revoked. It’s the one thing I do I don't fret about my performance. I'm at the top of that game.
Decisions. I hope I made the right one?
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